


You know, I used to be on fire

by Toomanyfandoms99



Series: (No Longer A) Secret Marriage [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Greek Mythology - Freeform, M/M, Moondoor (Supernatural), Secret Marriage, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 10:08:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14734940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toomanyfandoms99/pseuds/Toomanyfandoms99
Summary: When the flaming sensation was over, Cas opened his mouth.And found that he couldn’t speak.He couldn’t even utter a sound.





	You know, I used to be on fire

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from the song “Angel on Fire” by Halsey. I also included “Toxic” by Britney Spears, indicated with ellipsis. Enjoy!

Dean was sick of almost fainting every time a portal opened outside of the bunker. He was sick of seeing Cas in various outfits looking achingly beautiful.

He was sick of it, in that he really wasn’t. Not at all.

Like now, for instance.

Cas, Gabriel, and Balthazar came out of the portal riding motorcycles.

Freaking motorcycles!

As always, Dean observed Cas. His motorcycle was sleek and black, his charcoal leather jacket accentuating his messy hair and bright smile. Cas was even wearing the aviator sunglasses that Dean bought him on their last wedding anniversary.

Honestly, Dean would have a heart attack one of these days. Was it possible that Cas was getting more beautiful with age?

Dean was jolted out of his thoughts when the motorcycles came to a stop. He heard the three angels laughing as they made the motorcycles disappear.

Gabriel high fived Cas and Balthazar. “That was awesome!”

“His face!” Balthazar laughed. “That was glorious!”

“And we got the missing blade,” Gabriel declared, holding out the golden archangel blade.

“I’ll lock it up,” Balthazar said, Gabriel handing the blade over. “Bye bros!” Cas and Gabriel waved as Balthazar disappeared.

Hesitantly, Dean flipped the switch in his mind that made Cas’s wings appear. 

And wow, okay. Cas was too gorgeous for words.

Dean shut off the switch and realized that he had reached Cas and Gabriel, Sam trailing a few paces behind him.

As usual, Gabriel spoke first, plastering on a goofy grin. “Hi guys!”

“Did you have fun?” Dean asked neutrally.

“We tricked an ancient being into giving us what we wanted. And we had a pretty cool fight with some sand monsters. So yeah, we had fun.”

Dean glanced at Sam, who was looking at Gabriel with a surprising amount of fondness.

Dean wondered when one of them was going to do something about their mutual feelings for each other.

“Sand monsters?” Sam prompted curiously. 

Gabriel flashed a blinding grin and obliged, walking over to Sam to excitedly explain sand monsters.

Dean focused on Cas, who was draping his sunglasses over the collar of his shirt, narrowing his eyes a little due to the sunlight.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said teasingly, in the same gruff voice he used to greet him with years ago.

Dean offered his hand. “Wanna go for a walk?”

Cas’s mouth quirked upwards. “Like the other us did?”

“Let’s try it.”

Cas took Dean’s hand. “Okay.”

————

“That’s a nice jacket,” Dean said, once they were out of Sam and Gabriel’s earshot. “Where’d you get it?”

Cas laughed nervously. “That’s a funny story, actually.”

Dean waited.

Cas said, “it’s, um. Well, I stole it. I shoplifted.”

Dean couldn’t contain his laughter.

“I saw it and just, you know, had to have it.”

Dean laughter tapered off, a grin remaining. “I can’t believe a mighty Angel of the Lord shoplifted.”

Cas shrugged. “It felt amazing, you know.”

“Was it expensive?”

“Yeah. I have no regrets.”

Dean’s eyes sparkled. “You’re something else, Castiel Winchester.”

Cas blushed at the use of his full name.

“And that jacket looks hot on you.”

Cas grinned. “I know.”

————

Dean and Cas sat on the floor between two bookshelves in the bunker library. Dean’s back was against the right shelf, while Cas’s back was against the left shelf. Their legs were an inch away from being tangled together. Various volumes were scattered on the floor as the couple searched for the information they needed. 

Dean and Cas found a rhythm: pick up a book, skim it for key words, hand it to the other person, have them recheck, place the book somewhere, and pick up the next one.

They did this all afternoon, neither one getting up or shifting their position.

Dean was still in awe of their bond, how they scanned the pages and switched volumes in perfect synchronization. They hadn’t spoken a word in hours, falling into a blessedly comfortable silence.

It was times like these when Dean adored Cas the most. They had fallen into such a rhythm that words seemed inadequate.

When they switched books again, Dean smiled softly at Cas. His husband’s cheeks were stained with pink as he smiled back.

They got back to their task, opening their respective books at the exact same second.

————

Charlie and the wayward sisters found Dean and Cas like that an hour later. The women squealed upon seeing them, Dean and Cas sharing an ‘oh no’ look.

“Everyone’s two favorite cuties!” Charlie exclaimed.

“Sup,” Claire greeted.

“Got a lot of books there,” Alex observed.

“Indeed,” Cas said.

“It’s time for dinner,” Patience chimed in.

“Ellen and Jo did the cooking,” Alex informed them.

Dean stood up immediately. “Very good then. Bye now.” He rushed to the kitchen, Cas rolling his eyes and standing up.

“Hey Cas?” Charlie prompted.

“Yeah?”

“Is it possible that Dean loves food more than you?”

Cas considered this. “Maybe pie.”

The women laughed as the group left the library.

————

The women cornered Castiel again later that night.

“Yes?” Cas asked curiously.

They squeezed into the couch and chairs near Cas’s armchair.

“So,” Charlie began, “we’ve been waiting for the right moment to discuss the Winchester Gospel.”

Cas blinked. “You finished those rather quickly.”

“It was important research material,” Alex said.

Cas eyed Kaia. “And you were roped into it?”

Kaia shrugged, fixing a stray curl from falling into her eyes.

“Claire’s a piece of work, isn’t she?”

Claire mock gasped, clutching her chest. “Excuse me!”

“You’re getting extra pie in the next baking club meeting, Kaia,” Castiel promised.

Kaia smiled softly. “I want blueberry.”

“You got it.”

Claire rested her head on Kaia’s shoulder. “Let’s begin your inquisition, Cas.”

Castiel huffed. “Fine.”

Charlie and the wayward sisters spent the next two hours questioning Cas about the Carver Edlund books, learning tidbits about his relationship with Dean in the process.

————

Catching a glimpse of Cas with Charlie and the wayward sisters, Dean chose to visit Sam.

Dean found his younger brother alone in one of the rarely used rooms, sitting comfortably on an old maroon couch. Dean plopped next to Sam, his brother glancing at him in surprise.

Dean got right to the point. “Gabriel, huh?”

Sam blinked rapidly for a moment, as if not comprehending the words. He was probably never expecting to have this conversation with his older brother.

Sam stammered, “u-uh, what about him?”

“Every time someone mentions him, you stutter. You’ve got it bad, Sammy.”

Sam swallowed. “What are you getting at?”

“You should do something about your embarrassing crush on Gabriel.”

“It’s not just a crush.”

Dean smirked at Sam’s particular phrasing. “It’s more than a crush,” Dean corrected himself.

His brother had it bad, alright.

Realizing what he had done, Sam sighed. “What do you expect I should do, then?” 

“You know, I was scared shitless before I kissed Cas. But I manned up and did it. And look,” Dean held up his hand, showing off his gold wedding band with a giddy expression, “I’m married now.”

Sam snorted. “It’s not going to be that easy with Gabriel.”

“I know that. That means you have to be even more bold. You can’t just go in for the kiss.”

“He needs to be convinced.”

That took Dean aback. “Convinced?”

“Cas told me that Gabriel’s really insecure.” Sam paused. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that.”

“It’s fine. Your secret’s safe with me.” Dean’s mind whirred. He figured that Gabriel was putting on a front. He was also surprised that Cas gave Sam the shovel talk. 

“So, do you have any brotherly wisdom to impart on me?”

Dean thought. “Be direct, and patient.”

Sam blinked in shock. “I, um...that’s actually good advice.”

“Don’t act so surprised.”

Sam smiled, the motion there and gone like a camera flash. He hesitated before asking, “what’s it like, being with-”

“An angel?” Dean answered, “it’s different at first, but you’ll like it more than women.”

Sam raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Seriously?”

“The sex is, like, really fucking good. I swear.”

Sam facepalmed, sighing deeply. “Cas is my family. I didn’t need to hear that.” Dean chuckled, the sound causing Sam to look up at him in surprise. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

Dean blinked. “So?”

“I'm just,” Sam patted Dean’s shoulder, “glad to see you so happy.”

Dean stood up. “This conversation has now exceeded the brotherly quota.”

Sam huffed. “This may be a bad time to point this out, but you sounded just like Cas and I swore I was talking to him.”

Dean kicked Sam’s foot. “Shuddup.”

“Okay, there’s Dean.”

Dean snorted. “I’m outta here, bitch.”

“Bye jerk.”

————

“So, Sam and Gabriel,” Charlie prompted. “When are they going to do something about their feelings for each other?” 

“Well,” Castiel said, “it took Dean four and a half years to make a move, so-”

“We might be here for a while?” Patience sighed. “That’s unfortunate.”

————

Dean walked into the bathroom to find Cas taking a bath.

Dean thought of the dreamscape, and shut his thoughts down instantly. He seriously needed some self-restraint. 

He acknowledged Cas and got out his shaving cream. As he spread it along his stubble, Cas said, “I have another mission in a few days.”

Dean ran his razor along his cheek. “Yeah?”

Cas didn’t speak for a long moment, Dean hearing the water splashing. Dean dove into their bond, and was faced with a wall of fear. Dean finished shaving quickly, washing off the cream and kneeling beside Cas.

“What’s the matter, darlin’?” Dean asked softly.

There was a faraway look in Cas’s eyes, his irises devoid of their usual liveliness, taking on a gray-blue shade. Cas observed absentmindedly, “you nicked your cheek.” Cas used his thumb to swipe away a single drop of blood. “You should be more caref-”

“Darlin’.” Cas stared at the bubbles and murky water covering everything below his stomach. Cas’s blankness was freaking Dean out. He hadn’t seen Cas like this in a long time. “Darlin’,” Dean repeated. “Should I be worried about this mission?” Cas’s lack of a response made Dean want to get inside the tub and hold him. After a moment, Dean stated, “you’re afraid.”

Cas sighed deeply. “To quote Star Wars, I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

In any other circumstance, Dean would have smiled to ease the tension, but this matter required dead seriousness. “Look at me, darlin’.”

Cas looked at him.

Dean couldn’t believe he was about to say this, but here he goes. “In Star Wars, whenever someone had a bad feeling, what did they do?”

A beat. “They faced it.”

“That’s right.” Dean rested a hand on Cas’s cheek. “One of the reasons that I love you is because, no matter how afraid you are, you get the job done. So get the job done, okay? I’ll be here, waiting for you to come back.”

Cas nodded, a small smile reaching his features. “You’re good at pep talks.”

“I try.”

————

In all fairness, Castiel shouldn’t have poked the bear. 

He should have known that trying to break dead angels out of the Big Empty was the stupidest idea ever.

And now, with his ancient reaper taking his husband’s form, he had Cas tied up and defenseless.

He didn’t even know where Gabriel and Balthazar were. It would take them a while to find him. The Big Empty was infinite.

Castiel couldn’t believe this was how he was going to die.

Being murdered by an ancient being wearing Dean’s face.

Cas’s mind was filled with images of when he was brainwashed, when he killed copies of Dean over and over again.

This was some twisted form of poetic justice, Cas supposed.

His reaper smiled, and it reminded Castiel of when Dean was a demon, when his eyes sparkled as he tortured monsters in Hell, when the pensive expression that Cas had gotten used to was replaced with a mask of cruelty.

The monster spoke an unfamiliar spell, and Cas felt his throat burning. Castiel shut his eyes, clenching his teeth as he felt his voice box splitting in half.

When the flaming sensation was over, Cas opened his mouth.

And found that he couldn’t speak.

He couldn’t even utter a sound.

The Big Empty monster laughed, and it sounded so wrong, so unlike his husband’s laugh, that Cas almost winced.

Castiel took a rattling breath and steeled his gaze, trying to remain strong.

That’s when Gabriel and Balthazar came out of nowhere, the reaper shapeshifting again.

Into Castiel’s form.

Gabriel and Balthazar halted for a moment, catching Cas’s eyes. They observed Cas’s pained expression, and attacked the monster. Gabriel repeated a sleeping spell over and over, the monster finally changing into its original liquid form and falling asleep.

Castiel took a cue from the monster, his vision fading to black.

————

Castiel woke up on the couch of Gabriel’s cloud.

His brothers rushed to his side immediately.

“Cassie,” Gabriel breathed, “I’m sorry we didn’t get there fast enough.”

Cas waved off the apology.

“That thing broke your voice box,” Balthazar said, clenching his jaw in anger.

Gabriel placed a hand on Balthazar’s shoulder, but the tension in Balthazar remained.

Castiel figured it was broken. He was now a silent little bird.

“Hey,” Gabriel said softly, brushing a lock of hair away from Cas’s eyes, “you’ll heal in three days. It’s gonna be okay.”

Cas couldn’t speak for three days. Better that than forever.

Castiel thought of Dean, of that reaper impersonating his husband, and felt a lead weight crushing his heart.

Sensing his distress, Gabriel asked, “something else happened, didn’t it?”

Balthazar materialized a notepad and pen, which Cas took. He showed his brothers the word monster, and an arrow pointing to Dean’s name.

Gabriel’s eyes widened. “That thing shapeshifted into Dean?” His surprise instantly transformed into rage.

And when Gabriel was angry, God help anyone who got in his way.

Gabriel stood up and addressed Balthazar. “We should have killed it.”

“I agree.”

Cas clapped his hands to get their attention. The thin line of his lips was enough to shut them up.

Gabriel knelt down next to Castiel again. “When it was Dean, did it hurt you?”

Cas nodded.

Gabriel deflated, his concern for Cas causing his anger to dissolve. He said weakly, “should have definitely fucking killed that thing.”

Castiel flipped to a blank page in the notepad and wrote: “I need to stay here. I can’t face Dean yet.”

Gabriel stated sympathetically, “that thing got in your head. You can stay.”

Cas materialized a blanket, curling up on Gabriel’s couch.

With a final somber glance, Gabriel and Balthazar disappeared.

————

As soon as the two angels went away, Castiel started watching movies on Gabriel’s floating television. 

He watched all of the movies he enjoyed, for hours and hours, and didn’t feel any better.

He still felt the weight crushing his chest like an anvil. It would take him some time to burn the image of reaper Dean out of his mind.

And he planned on doing that by watching mind-numbing movies for as long as possible.

————

When day one stretched into day two of Castiel’s natural healing process, he went to visit the angel babies.

He was sick of wallowing in his own depression. It got old fast.

When Cas entered the nursery, he was surprised that a few of the children were beginning to walk.

And learning how to flap their little white wings.

The sight made Castiel smile instantly. He centered himself, taking in the comforting and pure aura that permeated the room.

Balthazar’s eyes met his, and the seraphim grinned. He motioned for Cas to join him.

Cas did, being greeted with happy angels crawling towards him. He sat crisscrossed a few feet away from Balthazar, letting the babies climb over his legs, one settling in his lap. Cas brushed a hand over the child’s hair, the baby giggling at the motion.

Castiel found himself smiling genuinely at such an incredible sound. 

Babies really soothed the soul.

Cas looked back at Balthazar, and noticed he was smiling too.

————

Gabriel should have known Dean would summon him. He really should have known.

But summoning him in front of everyone in the bunker was overdoing it.

Dean had his arms crossed, giving him his bitchiest expression. Not as impressive as Sam’s, but impressive nonetheless.

“So,” Dean asked, “what gives?”

Gabriel crossed his arms too. He was in the middle of a very important meeting when he was summoned. It was enough that he was worrying constantly about Cas. 

Gabriel said, “the short version is, Cassie is hurt, and he wants to be alone while he heals.”

That only made Dean angrier. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

The archangel had no time for politeness or pleasantries. Gabriel repeated, “it means that he’s hurt, and he wants to be alone while he heals.”

Dean clenched his jaw. “Why would he want that?”

Gabriel shrugged. He made his tone nonchalant. “Oh, you know, maybe it’s because his reaper shapeshifted into you and broke his voice box.” Before he could comprehend the expressions of everyone in the room, Gabriel said, “yeah, maybe that’s why.”

Gabriel revelled in the silence he received in answer.

Dean looked like someone just ripped his heart out of his chest.

Taking pity on them, Gabriel said to Dean, “I’ll take you to him tomorrow.”

Gabriel disappeared before he could garner anyone’s reaction.

————

Castiel soon reached the anger phase of his situation.

After a nice day with the cherubs, he thought he would be fine.

But once he returned to Gabriel’s cloud, he had the unjustifiable need to destroy things.

Cas clenched his hands into fists, thinking of how angry he was when Dean and Sam were trapped in prison, and he couldn’t do anything to help them. He thought of the many instances during that time when he would break and smash and punch things in sheer frustration. Cas thought of the Big Empty monster, inflaming his throat and cracking his voice box, all while staring at him with Dean’s eyes. He thought of how his reaper — with a single shapeshift — destroyed his entire state of mind. He thought of his husband, and the bullshit that Dean would inevitably have to go through as a result of this failed mission.

Castiel was so sick of it, so sick of everything. 

Cas thought of what would happen when he had to see Dean again. Would he look into those beautiful emerald eyes, and be sickened by them? 

Fuck, this was all too much.

Castiel created a wall for himself and spent the next half hour punching holes through it.

And that’s how Gabriel found him.

Cas didn’t register Gabriel pulling him away and making the crumbling wall disappear until he was sitting on the couch. The ringing in his ears stopped, Castiel realizing that Gabriel was trying to heal his knuckles.

When did his knuckles start to bleed?

Cas felt the wounds closing, Gabriel using a rag to wipe away the blood.

As soon as he was finished, Gabriel cupped Castiel’s face to get his attention. “What are you doing, kiddo? I just talked to Bali, and he said you were happy today.”

He was happy. Past tense.

Gabriel sighed. “I know how difficult this must be for you. But you could have at least materialized a punching bag and gloves.”

Castiel wanted to feel the pain.

The archangel sighed again. “Please don’t hurt yourself, Cassie. How does your throat feel?”

Cas gave him a thumbs up.

Gabriel smiled. “See? That’s good. You’ll be good as new soon.”

That statement only made Castiel think of Dean. He was filled with a sudden dread.

Gabriel noticed the change, and suggested, “let’s watch a movie. I’ve had a day. You’ve had a day. Let’s just watch something.”

Cas nodded in assent.

Gabriel switched on the television and chose a movie.

————

The next morning, Balthazar came to visit Castiel at Gabriel’s cloud.

Balthazar was holding two bamboo sticks. He held one out to Cas. “I sense much anger in you,” he said, dramatic but serious. “You need to spar.”

Castiel took the bamboo stick, Balthazar creating a dojo on the cloud adjacent from Gabriel’s cloud.

Cas materialized a notepad and pen, showing Balthazar: “The Matrix?”

Balthazar winked. “Caught my reference, huh?” The seraphim smiled. “Let’s do this.”

Castiel and Balthazar each went to a side of the dojo, taking their desired fighting stances.

Balthazar grinned, and charged forward. Castiel blocked him easily with his bamboo stick. Balthazar used his bamboo stick like a lightsaber, but Cas parried his every attack.

It was kind of fun.

Castiel changed his stance, and decided to up the ante. He twirled the bamboo stick in his hand like a baton. He switched to a more dance-like fighting style, Balthazar adapting to the change seamlessly. Cas rained down blow after blow on Balthazar, his brother not giving an inch of leeway. He found himself starting to feel better, his woes and triggering thoughts disappearing with every hit and block. Balthazar grinned at their equal matchup, their bamboo sticks thwacking together at an increasingly faster pace.

After a little while, Castiel pushed his body backwards, changing into a martial arts stance.

“Now we’re talking, Cassie.” Balthazar snapped his fingers, and a radio blasting rock music appeared in the dojo. 

If Cas could laugh, he would.

Castiel settled on a smile — feeling better than he had in days — and charged forward.

Cas was pretty sure the sparring session that unfolded was similar to a Jackie Chan movie. It made him feel so cool.

Castiel felt his confidence returning. It had been absent for a few days, but suddenly, there it was, giving the back of his mind a little nudge.

Their fight remained in sync with the music, bamboo sticks flying this way and that, the tempo driving Cas to move faster.

A few moments later, Cas noticed Balthazar falter. Castiel gained the upper hand, a side of his bamboo stick pressing against Balthazar’s neck.

Balthazar laughed. “I yield.”

Cas removed his bamboo stick from Balthazar’s throat, grinning at his victory.

Balthazar’s easy smile suddenly fell. Castiel turned around, and saw Gabriel and Dean in the entryway of the dojo.

He should have known Dean wouldn’t leave him alone for long.

And when he looked at Dean, he had a realization. 

That reaper was not Dean. Not in the slightest. A reaper wouldn’t look at him like his husband was right now. The Big Empty monster was just that: a monster.

Cas still had the image, but he could distinguish between Dean and his reaper now.

That was progress.

Dean approached him hesitantly, as if expecting to be rejected. Cas realized absentmindedly that the radio had stopped playing and his brothers had left the dojo.

Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes, and saw no trace of the monster that rendered him temporarily mute.

When Dean halted an arm’s length away, Cas cast away his bamboo stick and stood rigidly. Castiel felt the bond quiver. His eyes widened in surprise. It was Dean doing that.

Dean sent him a message through the bond: “How are you feeling?”

Cas didn’t know they could do that. Dean must have figured it out.

Dean sent another message: “I’m sorry that this happened. I feel-” He left the sentence unfinished. Castiel dove into Dean’s side of the bond, and felt a crazy swirl of emotions inside him.

Cas concentrated, and sent his first message: “Don’t blame yourself. It was a stupid idea.”

Dean sent: “I want you to come home.”

Cas closed his hand into a fist. He didn’t know what to do. He should have known this would happen. Castiel sent: “I don’t know if I should.”

And yeah, Dean’s broken expression made him regret sending that instantly.

Cas sent: “I know that it wasn’t you, but I can’t get the image out of my mind.”

Dean deflated, and sent: “I understand. But I still want you to come home.”

Castiel thought for a moment, then came up with a solution. He sent: “I’ll come home if you give me space.”

A flurry of emotions appeared and disappeared in Dean’s eyes before Cas could discern them. Dean sent: “Okay. I’ll wait for you to come to me.”

Castiel nodded, and sent: “Thank you.”

————

Castiel returned back to the bunker with little fanfare. He figured that everyone wanted to give him space.

And it probably weirded them out that Cas would be mute for another day.

Whenever someone decided to speak with him, Dean would seemingly appear out of thin air and say, “I’m Cas’s Rosetta Stone.”

A few of them would laugh, and Cas would simply shrug and motion for the conversation to continue.

It was a little odd, having his husband translate for him, but another part of Castiel liked it. Their bond was still partially shrouded in mystery, with secrets just waiting to be unlocked. Having Dean as his own personal translator for a day became appealing. And Dean — in his own untraditional way — was keeping his distance, as Cas requested. Instead of taking Cas’s hand, Dean simply sat next to him. Instead of getting too close to Cas, Dean would give him understanding looks.

Normally, Castiel would have told Dean to stop looking at him like an invalid, but he found it kind of sweet. He was secretly glad that he was the only one that saw the considerate side of Dean, the Dean that was an attentive husband.

That night, Castiel baked the blueberry pie that he promised Kaia. She was so grateful that he couldn’t help but grin.

————

Charlie’s annual Moondoor trip came at an opportune time for Castiel.

He had regained the ability to speak, but he still didn’t trust himself around Dean.

He needed to be with his friends. He needed to be away from Dean for the weekend. He needed to sort himself out.

After Gabriel came to check that Cas had made a full recovery, Castiel drove to Moondoor with Charlie and Kevin.

————

Sam found Dean looking particularly somber in one of the bunker’s rooms.

He sat next to him and asked, “no Moondoor this year?”

Dean shook his head. “Cas wants space.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“‘S fine.”

Sam leaned back in his chair. “Can’t blame him, I guess.”

“Yeah. I wish-” Dean stopped himself.

Sam knew how that sentence was going to end, anyway.

————

Castiel had an amazing time at Moondoor.

He knew that, with every laugh, he was healing. He was getting through this.

He would be okay.

————

Sam was thoroughly surprised when Gabriel showed up that weekend.

The archangel made some excuse about being bored and wanting company, and Sam took up his offer a little too eagerly. 

They spent hours talking, the time flying by. Gabriel had a lot of stories to tell, and Sam loved listening to them.

Sam found himself falling harder and harder for Gabriel, and he didn’t care if he kept falling forever.

————

When Cas, Charlie, and Kevin returned home, Gabriel asked to see Castiel right away.

Cas only had time to wave hello to Dean — who smiled warmly and waved back — before he was teleported to Gabriel’s cloud.

After a little while of catching up on Heaven’s events, Gabriel asked, “how do you feel?” 

“Better.”

“Good. We’re celebrating.”

Cas’s eyebrows furrowed. “Celebrating?”

Gabriel looked at Cas like he’d grown an extra head. “Of course we’re celebrating!” Gabriel placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder, zapping them to a karaoke bar.

Cas took in his new surroundings. “Seriously, Gabe?”

Gabriel flashed Cas his best grin. “Yes, seriously. It’s your turn, Cassie.”

Castiel crossed his arms. “No.”

“Yes!” Gabriel suddenly waved to someone. Cas followed his line of sight, and saw Balthazar and Aphrodite at a table. Aphrodite motioned for them to come over.

Cas’s eyes narrowed. “What’s Aphra doing here?”

“She wanted to see you! Now come on.” Gabriel tugged Cas over to the table, where he said hello to Balthazar and Aphrodite.

“You’re just in time,” Balthazar said. “Aphra’s next.”

Gabriel asked incredulously, “you’re gonna sing?”

“You bet,” Aphrodite replied cheerily. “I don’t get out of Heaven often. This is a special occasion. Then H is after me.”

Castiel sighed, accepting the situation he was dragged into. “Okay.”

The announcer called Aphrodite’s name, and she proceeded to sing a song Castiel had never heard of. She sounded amazing. If Cas had a rose, he would throw it on the stage. 

When Aphrodite finished, she got a genuine round of applause from the meager patrons at the bar. The three angels clapped loudly, Aphrodite sitting down with a megawatt grin on her face.

“That was fun!” Aphrodite exclaimed.

When Castiel was called to the stage, he stood behind the microphone.

And saw Dean, Sam, and Charlie at the back of the bar.

They hadn’t seen him yet.

But Cas heard the music start, and he immediately wanted to kill his brothers for choosing the song for him.

This was going to be quite a show.

Once the instrumental was over, Castiel began to sing.

...Baby, can’t you see, I’m calling. A guy like you should wear a warning. It’s dangerous, I’m fallin’...

Castiel kept his eyes closed, sensing pairs of eyes boring into him. Specifically, Dean’s eyes.

...There’s no escape, I can’t wait. I need a hit. Baby, give me it. You’re dangerous, I’m lovin’ it... 

Cas got ahold of his nerves, smoothing them out with every word he sang.

...Too high, can’t come down. Losing my head, spinning ‘round and ‘round. Do you feel me now?... 

Cas felt his confidence growing as he continued with each lyric. 

...With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride. You're toxic, I'm slipping under. With a taste of a poison paradise, I’m addicted to you. Don’t you know that you’re toxic? And I love what you do, don’t you know that you’re toxic?...

Castiel felt amazing. He was walking on air. 

…It’s getting late, to give you up. I took a sip, from my devil's cup. Slowly, it’s taking over me...

Cas has never felt more attractive in his life. This song was doing wonders for him. A song by a pop star was making the image of reaper Dean fade from his memory. Who would have thought?

...Too high, can’t come down. It’s in the air and it’s all around. Can you feel me now?...

He thought of Dean, who — despite refusing to look his way — Cas knew was watching him intently.

...With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride. You're toxic, I'm slipping under. With a taste of a poison paradise, I’m addicted to you. Don’t you know that you’re toxic? And I love what you do, don’t you know that you’re toxic? Don't you know that you're toxic?...

Castiel was practically seducing his husband at this point. He had no regrets.

...With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride. You're toxic, I'm slipping under. With a taste of a poison paradise, I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're toxic? With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride. You're toxic, I'm slipping under. With a taste of a poison paradise, I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're toxic?...

Cas didn’t want this feeling to end. He felt invincible.

...Intoxicate me now, with your lovin' now. I think I'm ready now, I think I'm ready now. Intoxicate me now, with your lovin' now. I think I'm ready now...

Cas opened his eyes to raucous applause. Fighting back a blush, he stepped off the stage. He held up a finger to his brothers and Aphrodite, boldly going to the bar.

Dean looked completely wrecked, Sam wearing his impressed face and Charlie giggling madly.

“That was amazing, Cas!” Charlie exclaimed, pulling him into a hug. She whispered into his shoulder, “Dean cannot even. I’m so proud.”

Cas huffed out a laugh, withdrawing from the redhead’s hug. 

Cas’s attention was quickly diverted to the stage when he heard Gabriel start singing. Cas immediately glanced at Sam, who was watching Gabriel intensely. Cas met Charlie’s eyes and waggled his eyebrows. Charlie laughed and got back to her beer.

Castiel finally gathered himself, directing his focus towards Dean.

Who was still looking at him like-

Cas kept it casual. “So, was it just a coincidence you showed up here?”

“I-it was. I swear.”

“I guess this place is fairly close to the bunker. Makes sense.”

Cas’s attention was drawn away again when Gabriel hit an especially high note in the song. He raised an eyebrow in surprise. Gabriel was really trying to impress Sam, and the hunter was falling for it. 

“Ah, young love,” Castiel mused.

Dean chuckled, the sound making butterflies rustle in Cas’s stomach. “Neither of them are very young.”

Cas smiled, the sight making Dean’s eyes shine especially bright. “That’s a good point.” Cas cleared his throat. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I-”

“Yeah, go ahead. Tell Aphra hi from me.”

Gabriel finished his song to loud applause, Sam finally breaking from his trance.

“Okay,” Cas said, taking Dean’s hand for the first time in days and squeezing. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

Dean smiled softly. “Okay.”

————

Castiel crossed the threshold of Dean’s bedroom that night and laid on his usual side of the bed wordlessly.

Cas caught Dean’s blinding smile before he turned the lights off.

“Night,” Cas said.

He could hear Dean’s happiness as he said, “night, darlin’.”

————

The next night, Castiel moved closer to Dean in bed.

The night after that, Cas rested his head on Dean’s chest, his husband’s heart beating rapidly at the contact.

The night after that, Cas pulled Dean into an embrace, Dean falling asleep in his arms with a soft smile on his face.

The night after that, Cas kissed Dean for the first time in over a week, the bond setting them on fire.

The night after that, Castiel felt comfortable enough to press kisses all along Dean’s face, his husband chuckling and holding onto his hips tightly.

The night after that, Cas told Dean that he loves him, loves him so much, and that he felt better.

————

A week later, Castiel walked into Dean’s bedroom and locked the door.

Dean stared at Cas with wide eyes. He perched on their bed. Hesitantly, he asked, “are you sure, darlin’?”

His husband was so sweet. “I’m completely sure.” Castiel started to unbutton his flannel slowly. “You’ve been waiting so patiently, beautiful.” He noted Dean’s pupils dilating, holding back a smirk as he kept unbuttoning his shirt. “I think you deserve a little reward.” Cas released the final button. “And hey,” Cas slipped off his shirt, “I wanted to be sure,” Cas watched Dean remove his shirt, “that I was all better for you. Because,” Cas reached the bed, crawling on top of Dean, who was splayed out on the mattress tantalizingly for him, “you deserve only the best,” Castiel settled on top of Dean, whispering into his ear, “husband.”

Dean growled, pulling lightly on Cas’s hair as he tugged him into a kiss.

————

Dean was pretty sure that, every time he made love to Cas, it got better and better and better.

Dean curled up against his husband, catching his breath, utterly docile. He rested his cheek on Cas’s shoulder, sighing in pleasure. Cas pressed a kiss into Dean’s hair.

“You’re purring.”

Dean looked up at Cas. “Hm?”

“You were just purring.”

“I-I was?” Dean’s face turned red.

Cas said soothingly, “it’s alright.”

Dean said hesitantly, “I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“Have you been working out?”

“Sort of. Why?”

“Y-you just,” Dean swallowed, “had a lot of stamina. N-not that y-you’re ever lacking in stamina. Just...yeah.” Dean hid his face in the crook of Cas’s neck.

At hearing Cas’s melodic laugh, the rush of embarrassment faded from Dean’s mind.

Cas moved to his side, tilting Dean’s chin to meet his eyes. He asked huskily, “would you like me to continue working out, beautiful?”

“Y-yes.”

Cas chuckled. “Okay.”

“O-okay?”

Cas’s eyes were shining. “Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> The next part in the series will be out in a few days. Kudos and comments are appreciated!


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